United X – 1986

by Mike Mooney

Where else can you boast good company, fine food, great cars, a world famous racetrack and race environs, and the now famous, world acclaimed annual TE/AE United Golf Tournament. Nowhere but at the United X.

What?? You didn’t sign up for this prestigious event!?! Participation was limited to only twenty players, but the fun we had far surpassed the diminutive numbers of golfers.
The course is touted as the only one with a nine-hole course totally within the infield of an international racetrack. We did not play that one, but we did experience fun on the outer 18-hole course with stuff like the “Turn Two Hazard (TTH)” and “Hit the Chipmunk off the fairway.”

TTH was on the ninth fairway where the course was so narrow that if the ball was hit with a slight slice (right curve for those non-players), it was lost over the fence and claimed by–you guessed it–Turn Two.

The Chipmunk Came was initiated by our team (Phil and Mike) on the third hole where three or four of these furry little creatures did a fine job of totally distracting Phil Perron from his game. If you attended the awards banquet, just the mention of Phil’s score (166), which garnered the “Worst Game Of The Year” Prize, laid claim to what irreparable damage was done by these “cute” little @#$%C&*!’s.

Now I have to apologize to all of the players who hit their Tiger balls at Indy. I have the list of players who registered; but somewhere between Indiana and my word processor, the list of final scores got lost, except–that is–for Phil Perron (See above score–heh, heh, ahem), Jerry Dinser (120), Steve Hoffman (150), ? Sesslar (95), Curt Hoffman (153) and me (122). These I found on some of the scorecards handed me following the game.

We had five. prizes awarded to Best Game–Scratch, Best Game–Handicap, Closest to the Pin–4th hole, Longest Drive–15th hole and, of course, Worst Game of the Year.
As usual, Murphy’s Law will probably be used in that the list will, suddenly appear on my desk the day after you read this in the newsletter.

The presentation of the awards served two purposes; first was to let the club members and the world honor these gifted golfers; second, we held reveille that night at the dinner hall. Gotta get that of blood flowing or rigor mortis ‘ll set in, y’ know.

With the ’86 games over and committed to history, we’ll be looking forward to hitting the Tiger balls next yeah. I just hope that there’s a course nearby the next United. If not, we’ll have to be content with aiming some balls at the nearest chipmunks outside the hotel!

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